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The day the Prophet prophesied
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to Lusaka Voice (Lusakavoice.com)
“I see you,I see you my brother.” This was the prophet as pressed his hand harder over Victor Chumbu’s head.victor stood nodding his head with his eyes tightly closed.”I see you coming out of the door of a big Toyota GX .”Amen” shouted the whole church in chorus.”Wait!” said the prophet,”it’s a green GX number plate number….wait I can’t see but it has a seven at the end.” “Thank you Lord” said Victor.”You are going to be rich my friend!” said the prophet continuing on his spiritual blessing.”I see you with lots of money! You’ll literally be sleeping on a mattress of dollars!” “Oh Thank you Lord!” said Victor with his hands raised up in the air.”God bless you my brother,but you have to sow a seed.” With that Victor dipped into his pocket and out came two old looking K100 notes straight into Prophet Mushamba’s expectant hand.
I sat in the corner of the Church building.I’m not much of a church goer but I do believe in God,and I still remember a few prophets from my Sunday School lessons:Moses,Elijah and a few others,so yes I do believe in prophets and prophecy.But that Sunday morning I sat wondering wether or not Prophet Mushamba was indeed a real prophet,because if he was I’m sure he would have known that the previous night,The Victor he was busy pronouncing blessings on and myself had been out for a night on the town where we drowned a crate of lagers,a small bottle of whisky and winded up the night at Victor’s girlfriend house with her and her other friend doing a lot of stuff that I would rather not write on.Nontheless victor was a regular church goer and he had pulled me along with him.Infact I could swear Victor was still hangover as the prophet was prophesying unto him.I wondered if he was indeed a prophet because he would have seen Victor’s drinking and his affairs with those tuma sweet sixteens.
Victor came and sat down weeping tears of joy.”I’m going to be rich boyi,you heard it yourself!” he said looking at me.I kept quiet.”I want a prophesy!” came a loud voice from the back.”Stand up sister” said prophet Mushamba.And up stood Stukie Mwale,a cute youngster,who I’d had relationship with during my Secondary School years.To this day,Stukie claims our relationship ended because of my lack of faithfulness,but I say our relationship ended because Stukie is a red hot pepper.i tell you that girl has a temper.One time she found me doing my homework with a girl from the other class,she took of one of big heel scooners and threw it at me.with such tantrums ,what was I to do but find solace in the arms of her beloved calm bestfriend Clara? But that’s another story.
So there was stukie standing before prophet Mushamba.He closed his eyes and leaned towards the left.”My sister,do you have an Uncle who is very rich?” “Yes” said Stukie .”I knew it ,I knew it,I knew it!” said the prophet waving his hands.”Are you married?” “No”,said Stukie.”The reason that you are not married is because that Uncle has been bewitching you.” “Ohhhh” shouted the church in disbelief.”He is using your singleness as a charm for his wealth. Immediately you get married ,his wealth will go down!” “I can’t believe it” said Stukie,”Uncle Chirwa is a deacon at his church.” “Don’t worry my sister,I see you …..you are standing with your husband….he’s a very rich man and you have 4 beautiful children.” “Oh thank you God!” “But sister just plant a seed right now.”But Prophet I don’t have money right now.” “Sister you need a seed,for the prophecy to come true.” Stukie looked around the church and her eyes rested on me,she quickly ran over.”Michael give me a hundred right now,I’ll pay you tomorrow,you know I’m good for it.” I’ve known Stukie for a long time and when she says she’ll pay you back,she means “You’ll never see your money again.” I knew Stukie was lying,in fact Stukie is a big liar and the fact that we were in a church didn’t scare her,she could still lie. I quickly pulled out the hundred note from my pocket and gave it to her.And she ran back to the front.So ended the church service and my two friends Victor and Stukie went home very happy.Needless to say,I never did see my hundred again.
Two weeks later I called up Victor.“Victor,I’ve got some great news man.”I said.”I’m listening .” said Victor excitedly.”I met some Chinese guys who said they needed some odd workers at their construction site,they said the job comes with lunch and…” I was interrupted by Victor’s shouting“Stop right there Michael ,weren’t you in church with me two weeks ago?” “Maybe I was Victor,but what’s the connection with what I’m telling you?” “Look,Michael The prophet told me I’m going to be rich,so there’s no need for me to start engaging my self in dirty jobs like being an odd worker at construction sites.” “but Victor,this job pays well,and the guys promised me its safe.” I continued trying to convince him.”I’m sorry my friend but the prophet already told me,so from now on the only job that I’m going to get a white collar job,a job that pays a rich man’s salary,not these dirty jobs kof yours!” with that Victor cut the line.
“Stukie? Man that girl is a snake .” said Lucky Mumba another one of my friends,with tears coming out of his eyes.I couldn’t bear the site,so I told him “Lucky you’re a man,be strong!” “but I love her Michael and she dumped me like a dog!” “Did she tell you why?” I asked sympathetically,”No! she just said that a certain prophet had told her her husband would be a rich man,and I was too poor !” “Don’t worry,Lucky you’ll find another girl soon.” “Thanks man,you’re a real friend “ said Lucky wiping the tears from his eyes.”After all I’ve done for her Michael,she still dumped me because I’m not a big boss at some company.” “Easy Lucky”,I said to him.
A few months went by,I hadn’t seen Victor for some time because of my job t the costruction site,so we decided to meet up at a bar for a chat.The norm is that after you buy a round of beer,your friend buys the other one but for this evening I was a bit shocked to notice,every time I bought a round and the beer finished,Victor would quickly pull an interesting story ou t of his sleeve instead of odering the next round,.It happened once ,twice until I figured out this guy was totally broke.So whenever he would start up one of his stories,I’d simply look to the side and yell “Bartender,another round!” So the evening came to an end,and we were about to part ways I said to Victor.”Man there’s a job opening I’ve heard about.” “Tell me “ said Victor.”It’s truck driving to down south and back,the money is good man.” “Litsen Michael,I went to a prophet who told me that he saw me working in an office so that job you are describing is not what he said.” “Is it the same guy who said you’d be rich?” I asked “No man,this time it was another one ,but he also said I would be rich.” “Man save me the details.” I said,”Are you ready FOR THWE TRUK DRIVING thing?” “No,man,the prophet said he saw me in an office and being a rich man,not driving a damn truck!” “Have it your way !” I said with a smile on my face,”But next time we meet up for a drink you’re buying the rounds!”and I got into my car .As I was about to drive away I was stopped by a knock o the window,it was Victor ,”Michael,can you give me a lift?”
About a year later Isaw Stukie along mainstreet.She waved at me so I stopped.”How are you /m/ichael?” she asked lovingly.”I’m ok Stuke and how are …” “Wait let me get this” said Stukie reaching into her handbag to answer her ringing cell.”Hello…Mwaba I told you its over…..Mwaba leave me alone……I don’t care…….Mwaba you an kill yourself if you want.” And she cut the call.”What was that all about?” I asked curiosly.”it was Mwaba,he asked me out but Itold im no!” “Is it Mwaba Mwenda our former head boy?” I asked .”Yes “ answered Stukie.”But Stukie ,Mwaba is a really nice guy,and he just graduted from Univrersity,what more do you want?” I asked .”Look Michael, there was a prophet at church who told me my husband is going to be a light and tall man,and Mwaba is too dark and too short,he can’t be the one!” “Stukie,you’re nearly thirty” I said sincerely,”And Mwaba has liked you from a long time,even during the time we used to go out,maybe that PROPHET GOT IT WRONG!’” The next thing a got was slap on my face,typical of Stukie’s hot temper.”How dare you?” she shouted.”What do you know about prophets,you beer drinking womanizing monger!” I could have hit back at Stkie and told her to work on her temper,but there’s just something about your first love that softens you up.”I’m sorry Stkie” I said apologetically.”I hope you find what you are looking for.” With that I walked on.
It’s present day.I just celebrated my 40 th birthday yesterday with the guys from work.I get into my car and as I drive over fly over bridge I marvel at the amount of vendors standing in the middle of the road selling various items.Suddenly this guy selling caps and trousers walks over to my car and speaks “Caps boss? It’s only five pin!” Just as I am about to drive on I realize there’s something familiar about him,then suddenly it hits me “Victor?” I yell ,”but sir How do you know my name?” asks the vendor.”It’s me Michael.” “Michael,how are you?” Our conversation is interrupted by the sound of a voice with a foreign accent calling from another car “Hey you ,I need some of those caps.” And Victor runs off.I look at him for a moment then the driver from behind honks “Move you idiot!” He yells ,and I drive on.
As I drive on ,I decide to make a stop over at a shopping mall.I walk into a jewelry shop and I’m greeted by the shop manager.”How are you doing sir and my we help you?” then I realize I’ve heard that voice before.”Stkie!” “Michael?” she says in disbelief.”It’s so nice to see you,so how are you doing? What are you up to?” she asks,”Well I’m with a Transport firm,I’m now assistant manger,and I’m married with two kids and you?” Stukie looks down,”As you can see I’m doing quite well,that’s my Benz outside ,but I’m still searching for my love.” “Don’t worry “ I reply sympathetically,”There’s someone for everyone.” “Thanks” she says ,”I went to a conference last week,the prophet told me that my husband will be a really rich guy but a bit on the short side.” I looked at her,wanti ng to burst into laughter,but then my sensitive side kicked in,”I can’t wait to meet him,make sure you bring him over to my place when you meet him.” “I will.” she replied.”so…how much for these earrings? My wife would love them.”
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to Lusaka Voice (Lusakavoice.com)
