NO two marriages are the same. This is why it is not advisable for one to compare one’s marriage with another. People have different personalities and the manner in which each gets along with the spouse is different from the next.
What one spouse could tolerate, the next one may not.
Some friends expect their relationship to be similar even in the manner each of them gets along with their spouse.
However, a woman learnt the hard way when she realised that what her friend’s husband could tolerate, her husband could not.
For convenience, I will call the woman Jane while her friend, Norma.
Some of the experiences included Norma ridiculing the husband in public, including calling him names.
Norma’s husband usually laughed it off and ignored the wife.
There was a particular time Norma’s husband fell ill and, upon returning home from work, Norma began to tell him off that he was not being a man by always wanting to run home each time he felt unwell.
“You should be a man and be strong,” she screamed as she laughed at his sorrowful face with Jane.
As usual, he simply strolled to the bedroom to find peace.
Norma continued telling Jane how she would not even give him any attention because, according to her, he was exaggerating his illness.
The women giggled at the poor man.
Apparently, the way Norma was treating the husband was the same way that Jane was treating hers. The difference was Jane’s husband did not take it lightly.
Jane’s husband, time and again, advised her to treat him with respect but it seemed Jane valued the advice she was getting from Norma more than the husband’s feelings.
One day, Jane’s husband returned home aided by his friends because he had fractured his knee while playing soccer. In the presence of Norma and other people, Jane began telling him off together with his friends accusing them of being childish.
His friends did not stay; theysimply left.Jane’s husband was embarrassed and did not speak until days later when he felt better.
He told Jane to go and live with Norma and her husband because she wanted to live like them.
Jane thought he was joking and dismissed him. Seeing that Jane was not moving out, he packed his belongings and left saying he was going to search for a woman who would treat him with respect and not one who always belittled him.
Jane’s husband usually advised her against comparing their marriage to Norma’s because they were not the same but she did not listen. He would always tell her that there were some things that Norma’s husband tolerated that he could not.
The couple has been on separation for nine months and one can only hope Jane has learnt her lesson.
No two marriages are the same.
On a different note, I start my vacation, my colleague Doreen Nawa will continue with the column until I come back.