By Pastor Charles Chanda; Pretoria, South Africa

This is among the ten books God has helped to write in the past four years and should be out soon. It is a book every parent in this century needs as God has taught me many things and helped me to practice them.

As a father of four girls and one boy, I have seen God’s hand in child training. One of my daughters who went to study at a University which is far away from home when she noticed the lack of spiritual care from the people from the church she has been brought up in took up the challenge to study theology side by side with her Bachelor of Commerce Degree. She graduated last month as a Pastor. She told me that she has seen my love for God and that is why she has taken that route.


I have witnessed how life’s struggles when handled objectively become a vital portion of grooming morally upright children. It is a book you will love to read. God has shown me the indispensability of having both parents under the same roof as the greatest asset in child training. Ensure that you get a copy Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Parents, train your children remembering continually the influence of your own example! Fathers and mothers, do not forget that children learn more by the eye than they do by the ear. No school will make such deep marks on ‘character’ as home. The best of school-teachers will not imprint on their minds as much as they will pick up at your fireside. Imitation is a far stronger principle with children than memory. What they see has a much stronger effect on their minds than what they are told. Instruction, and advice, and commands will profit little— unless they are backed up by the pattern of your own life! Your children will never believe you are in earnest, so long as your actions contradict your counsel.


“To give children good instruction, and a bad example, is but beckoning to them with the head to show them the way to heaven, while we take them by the hand and lead them in the way to hell!” We little know the force and power of example. None of us can live to himself in this world. We are always influencing our children, in one way or another, either for good or for evil—either for God or for satan. *They see our ways. *They mark our conduct. *They observe our behavior. And never does example show so powerfully as it does in the case of parents and children. Parents, do you wish to see your children happy? Take care, then, that you train them to obey when they are spoken to—to do as they are told. To my eyes, a parent always yielding—and a child always having its own way—are a most painful sight! Painful, because I feel sure the consequence to that child’s character in the end will be self-will, pride, and self-conceit! Parents, if you love your children, let obedience be a motto and a watchword continually before their eyes! Learn to say “No” to your children.


Show them that you are able to refuse whatever you think is not fit for them. Show them that you are ready to punish disobedience, and that when you speak of punishment, you are not only ready to threaten, but also to perform. Do not merely threaten. Threatened folks, and threatened faults, live long. Punish seldom, but really and earnestly. Frequent and slight punishment is a wretched system indeed. Beware of letting small faults pass unnoticed under the idea “it is a little one.” There are no little things in training children—all are important. Little weeds need plucking up as much as any. Leave them alone, and they will soon become giants! Parents, if there be any point which deserves your attention, believe me, it is this one.


It is one that will give you trouble, I know. But if you do not take trouble with your children when they are young—they will give you trouble when they are old! Choose which you prefer. Do not be afraid, above all, that such a plan of training will make your child unhappy. I warn you against this delusion. Depend on it, there is no surer road to unhappiness than always having our own way. To be indulged perpetually is the way to be made selfish—and selfish people and spoiled children, believe me, are seldom happy.




*Create time to play with your children.

*Learn to sit with them when they are doing homework.

*Never ignore your children when they need your attention.

* Do not make your home an office environment where you expect no disturbance or interference as home is the territory for children.

*Avoid shouting at angry children as this fuels their anger and they will become stubborn. *Watch your promises as kids have excellent memory for them! *When playing games with the kids do not be the ultimate winner as this will demoralize the kids!

*For those who have one set of TV don’t be the champion over the remote!

*When you go to buy groceries with kids ensure that you accommodate them in the budget and allow them to pick what they want as long as it is in the category of what is being shopped.


By so doing they will learn when to ask as for what.. They will not ask for a bicycle when shopping groceries. If you do not have enough money rather do not go with them as you may end up shouting at them when they pick a chocolate and this creates a resentment as they cannot understand how a big person cannot afford to buy a chocolate.


* When you receive visitors in the home, do not downgrade your children as they will have the impression that you do not care about them.

*When eating with them, avoid getting the best and biggest piece of meat but rather sacrifice it to them and by so doing you are teaching them to share and preferring others.

• Never over look or castigate kids for their illogical statements as that is the best way they can express what is inside. Recently my six year old boy was telling me that he wants to score a million goals. Initially I just ignored him and he kept on repeating the same thing and I almost told him how many goals the best footballer has scored but I quickly realized he does not understand numbers and so it will be a waste of time. I got his point that he was trying to let me know that he is a striker and not a goal keeper or defender and wants to score goals. I must see how to motivate him as a parent? He doesn’t understand what a million is and so it will be foolishness for me to start teaching him mathematics just to make him rethink over his target. • Never expose your weaknesses to kids as they will capitalize on them.


• Stick to what you say and do not change just because you have seen tears.

• If you have provided your child with a cell phone, you have to think of them having airtime. Do not take things for granted that the phone will work without air time. So think twice before you give out things to kids.

• When you have a misunderstanding with your wife, it must not manifest itself towards kids. If you are so angry that you cannot even eat and yet you always eat with the kids, chew that anger and became a hypocrite just for the sake of the kids.

• Do not chase away kids to go to their mother especially when you are at church.

Why do you want to go to heaven alone? Your wife also needs time with God.



Authored by Pastor Charles Chanda; Pretoria, South Africa